Friday, October 19, 2012
The Beauty Within
I am trying to find beauty in the messy bits of life right now. I'm trying. We all know that it's not just the work station or the kitchen table or the kids stroller that's unruly and unkempt. It's our relationships, the sense of accomplishment or disappointment in ourselves, and the way we wrestle with God. Life is messy. I don't know if it's just having had babies, but I've become better friends with the messier bits. Spit-up on your black shirt does that. But, so does the uncertainty of their development, the crazy tantrums they throw or the fevers that can come out of nowhere. You want things to be clear, organized, and predictable. You want to have the answers. And you want the path ahead to be bright, marked and easy to read. But, life rarely is like that. I don't think I have the knack for certainty either. I did growing up, when things were black and white and easy to understand. There was usually one answer to everything. It was comfy. Then I grew up. Relationships got complicated. Expectations changed. And then changed again. Becoming a mother has taken the Julia that I knew, smooshed it up, wrinkled it, mangled it, and turned it completely on its head. And marriage? Yeah, don't get me started on that, I'm still in the process of trying to understand the mysteries there. The thing is, I don't want to simply survive the messier bits of life. I don't want to feel paralyzed by all that I don't know or can't control. To be gracious with oneself is truly the greatest gift. It provides the freedom to acknowledge that you're a work in progress and that in the end, it will be alright.
So, here's to the messier bits of life, and the beauty and mystery that lies within.