Monday, November 15, 2010

On Communication



I feel like I'm forever in the process of learning how to communicate. William just yells. He yells when he's happy, when he's hungry and yells particularly loudly when he's tired. I have friends who can communicate on the spot--articulating their desires/fears/grievances with speed and efficiency. Others take days to process and come forward with their thoughts and feelings. Some don't. Period. And it takes great care and delicate diplomacy to draw out what's going on under the surface.

I feel like communicating with a baby added to the mix is tricky--they add a whole different level to the scenario. As a mother your first inclination to minister to the needs and wants of the baby. They agree. Next come the needs of your partner. Friends and family are often next. And last are your needs. Add sleep deprivation, hormonal upsets, limited time and energy and it's amazing what gets put on the back burner. Especially with new mothers, when you're still in the throes of self-discovery and your need for affirmation is immense, it's hard to address your needs because you still don't know what they are or you haven't had the time to figure out how to express them. And, there are those of us who have a difficult time even saying the words "I need" altogether.

We know it's important. We know that we need to keep talking. But it's hard. Hang in there with us. It's a process.

I know that there's a great treasure trove of wisdom out there. Any thoughts?

Image from this delicious Etsy shop

11 comments:

erin said...

i don't think i have any words of real wisdom. but i do find your honestly incredibly refreshing. thinking of you.

Emily said...

I needed to reach this today! I have been feeling guilty asking for things, saying what I need because I feel like a burden to those around me. I haven't been the happiest lately but it's hard to express these feelings when you don't want to be a bother. But I think that when I do overcome those feelings of doubt and express a bit of what I am feeling, I feel more at ease.

I hope that you can find those easy channels of communication, my friend! Happy Monday to you! xo

Mary Jo from TrustYourStyle said...

Love your post today and your image too. While I don't have a baby (yet) lots of my friends do. The ones who seem to come out of this stage happiest are the ones who took time for themselves. You know, hair cuts, working out at the gym, getting together with friends and hiring a baby sitter now and then. I know you're doing a great job, probably way better than you even think!

lots of love to you jewels!
xoxo mary jo

heidi said...

I have 2 things to try:
1) Give him something to put in his mouth. (hard to scream when your mouth is full.)

2) Let him hold a thingie that he adores... keep alot of thingies around!

3) It's a phase, and he will grow out of it. I know it seems like forever right now, but I swear, it will NOT last forever!

Slices of Beauty... said...

No babies yet, so no words of wisdom but desperately want to learn!

You are doing well, guess you may not just know it or feel it.

Happy week mama.

paula said...

oh my this sounds like me, especially when my kiddos were babies. I am finally okay asking for help, well sort of.

Rachel said...

Oh, it is constant practice. I always find that the best communicators work really hard at it.

Sometimes I get lazy and it's tempting to just let stuff go, but I remind myself that our relationship is a top priority and the effort I put in needs to reflect that. And then I spend some time thinking about what has worked and what hasn't.

No baby advice, but I can only imagine that it increases the effort required exponentially!

william said...

Crying may seem like a foreign language-you don't exactly know what your baby is needing, but soon you'll know what your baby needs.

bronwyn said...

I am still practicing this. The few words I can offer:

Your need for affirmation won't always be quite so immense. Affirmation is always nice, but eventually, you will see, know, feel the wonderful job you are doing raising that beautiful boy without needing external affirmation. This was a huge turning point for me.

In terms of your needs, I found it helpful to build some "me time" into my day. That way I didn't have to ask. This may be the easy way out, but my needs are being met (most of the time) so I'm ok with it.

lala said...

Thanks for your post and welcome to check: here.

Vintage Simple said...

To remember to give room and space to your own needs so that you don't feel like you've completely lost yourself...? That, that is a constant struggle, my friend.

Oftentimes, I find that what I need the most is very simple, really: a quiet moment to myself, where I don't have to take care of anybody's needs. At all.

You're doing a wonderful job, Julia. You are.


much love,
-maria