Ever feel that fitful, vulnerable, strangely enigmatic feeling that comes in the morning, when it's too early to be morning and too late to be night? Sometimes I feel it when the sun starts drifting in the afternoon sky--light wanes and shadows deepen. It's like feeling a door close behind you, or being caught out in the cold. I'm not sad. Not happy either. Something feels "off." I try and describe it here because it helps in explaining to Andrew later on in the day that, no, it's not you hun. It really is me. It's feeling alone, even in the face of new and beautiful friends. It's feeling incompetent when nothing is going wrong. Sensitive... just sensitive, maybe? I'm not sure. I do know, however, that recognizing this... whatever it is, is the first step. Next is tea. Because there's nothing more soothing to me that a steaming mug of tea. Lots of milk. And writing. Today is a rambling writing day, sorry. I just thought that maybe you've felt this too...
Image found here
5 comments:
oh girly, big hugs to you... wish I could come have a cuppa with you :)
Oh, yes! You are not alone dear. :) Remember that PPD is totally common and not to be left untreated, if indeed that is what's attacking you...
Hugs!
Lisa
I have just put myself, my Kahuna, and my Mother on "Bee Pollen".
It has settled down our raw nerves, and brightened up our day, and stirred up our energy with peaking to a cliff side drop off.
in the mean while, just Breathe.
Cheers!
Yes luv, I sure have. And still do, every day when the sun begins to sink past the horizon.
Yes, I have. I have always been a bit sensitive but motherhood really stirred it up. And the feeling of incompetence - yes. It's like you have just created the world's most perfect person and there is no way you can possibly be the mother this child deserves. That's how it feels to me anyway. I think having these worries means you are completely competent and a wonderful mother. And yes, tea always helps.
Post a Comment