William's Walk

It's the start of a new series over here in Red Otter land: William's Walk. I'm hoping to bring my camera along with me at least once a week to snap a photo of something I find beautiful or interesting. William is usually strapped to me, via Baby Bjorn, wearing little cotton caps and sockies, on these morning hikes. He's also usually asleep through most of it, but I like to think that he's soaking it up.

I don't know if this has happened to you, but I start looking at the world differently when I have a camera in hand. The simple things become magical! Even if the image doesn't turn out like I want it to, the perspective shift is invaluable.

Surmountable Insurmountables

I really wouldn't mind being her, on that beach, with my puppy playing in the surf. Of course, I wouldn't mind looking so lovely and poised either!

I've been thinking about my Transitions post a week ago, and I've been pondering the phenomenon of not only motherhood, but of accomplishing things that seem, maybe at the onset, insurmountable--motherhood feels insurmountable at times, that's the connection. I remember sitting in my apartment back in Madison overwhelmed to the point of breaking, wondering how in the world I would be able to pack, have a baby, move and then unpack. Granted, this was an extraordinary experience, and definitely not one I would wish on anyone, but talk about insurmountable. I did it, though. And I think proved to myself the importance of 1. taking it one step at a time, and 2. lists are fabulous. Lists. People balk at the idea that I could find such enjoyment from something so inconsequential--I mean, it's just a list for goodness sake. But, being able to divide up the huge task at hand into small increments and being able to slowly knock off one thing, then another, and another. The next thing you know you've accomplished that insurmountable task and haven't completely lost your sanity in the process. So, in honor of the surmountable insurmountables, I will attempt to slowly whittle away at these:

1. Get back to my pre-baby weight so I don't have to buy a whole new fall wardrobe
2. Write my thank you notes--three months late!
3. Organize my studio/craft space so I can be more efficient and Andrew can walk into the bedroom without fear of stepping on anything sharp
4. Be patient with myself so I can be patient with others

Image from here

In order

The wee otter is finally sleeping in his crib and I have book orders to fill, but wanted to post these lovely images while I had a free moment. All the red makes me think of fall. And thinking about fall makes me think of tea--I think a cuppa is in order.

Images from here

Transitions

What I want to blog about really has no connection, whatsoever, to these beautiful images by Rebecca Thuss. I just liked them. A lot. And they remind me to take pleasure in the simple things. I know, I know, it's such a pat thing to say, but they do!

What I wanted to blog about is the transition into motherhood--for me. You can skip this part and just enjoy the images, I won't be offended.

This has been a process for me, this motherhood business. I'll be honest, I did not "fall in love" with my baby the first moment I clapped eyes on him. I have not thrilled at the way my time, my aspirations, my body, my basic wiring have all changed. I get frustrated when he changes just when I'm figuring him out. It's hard. Harder than I anticipated. I'm nearly 3 months in and have to keep reminding myself of all the reasons why we wanted to have a baby in the first place. He's not a difficult baby--there's no extreme colic, no nightmarish allergies--he's lovely, really. He's happy and funny and the cutest thing on two chubby legs. But, it's still been hard. It's the "me" factor that seems to trip me up. Where did I go, what am I becoming? Do mother's really have a say in the matter? I've talked to many, many mothers and I know I'm not alone in how I feel--which is of the greatest comfort, because I feel like a bit of a maternal flop at times and terribly self-conscious about the way I feel. Like I said at the beginning, this is a process. Something that is slowly taking time. "Mama" is slowly weaving its way into the fibers of my being. Which reminds me, there are so many things out there that are better when given time to evolve--relationships, plants, skills, wine, cheese, etc.... you know, the good stuff. I love being there when he wakes up from a nap--the way his whole body stretches and his lips purse. I love watching him figure something out. I love listening to his coos and burbling--even his yelling can be funny at times. It's the strangest thing, I feel like I'm host to conflicting feelings--part resentful, part unbelievable joy. Part weary, part energized. Part Julia, part William. It's so odd. And marvelous.

I guess I didn't have anything profound I wanted to end with--can I just ramble and not have a point? Writing all of this makes me stop--it's time to actually soak up this experience instead of trying to speed onto the next step, the next milestone, the next "aha!" moment. I think there will always be the hard stuff and the deliciously good stuff--both together, side-by-side. I don't think I'll ever really fully master him--he'll always be changing. I don't think I'll ever be what I once was... but I do believe that I'll slowly begin to realize that that's the exciting part--if you know what I mean.

Thank you for listening. I appreciate it!

XOXO,
Jewels

I'll meet you there

Do I really have to say anything? I'll meet you there, steaming cup in hand.

Image found here

Bath time

Post bath, pre-Fonz hair styling!

Motherhood has continued to amaze me. This little guy continues to amaze me. It's startling to hear him discover his voice--he likes to yell--and watch him slowly hold himself up. He loves to look out the window during play time. He gets so excited he has to jump up and down--usually pounding out a rhythm on my chest. His favorite friends? The colorful bugs in his IKEA mobile!